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June 3 2019

Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places

Hope Begins In The Darkest of Places

Good Morning all my Shining Ones! What adventures were you on this week? What challenges did you face? How did you face them? This week I thought we would dive a bit deeper. I would love to share with you a bit about my journey with “Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places.” Using my journal writings I will share the hope I found during one of the darkest times in my life. A spark of hope that began and endured despite the feelings I felt and the circumstances I saw.

A Lot Can Happen In 6 Months and 5 Days

On October 14^th, 2001, I entered the hospital for treatment of severe depression and anxiety. I emerged, into the world again, 5 months and 6 days later. It was “a year from hell. I crashed, completely withdrew from life, hit rock bottom, died a thousand deaths, began to resurface, learned to trust, found myself (in bits and pieces) and began to fight to learn who I was.”

It was a challenging time yet a time of great growth; a time of great despair but also a time development of a new and enduring hope that would help to propel me forward in the years to come.

Hope Bubbles Up In The Midst

“Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places.” I wrote those words without knowing what they would mean – they were an unconscious encouragement to me, offered up from somewhere deep within.”

It was, as I sat on my hospital bed and looked at the wall ahead of me, paper and pencil in hand, trying to capture some of the wayward thoughts to help make sense of the chaos, that these words came to me. It wasn’t a voice. It wasn’t a feeling. It is hard to explain the experience. The words just bubbled up inside of me and I immediately started writing. I must admit, when I looked closely at what I had written, I was disappointed. Hope, what hope? It was like another empty promise in the midst of the darkness; yet another contradiction in my life.

“At that moment when I knew I couldn’t fall any further, I could only envision despair. However, the darkest, coldest, bleakest day of winter is the one that inspires the wistful longing for the renewal of spring. I laid at the bottom of the pit, mired in hopelessness and helplessness, a soul scarred with anger, abandonment, distrust and hatred. My body and soul on fire, the world crushing my chest, each breath a struggle to survive. My mind was a constant torment to itself; critical and hateful, a constant barrage of darkness and evil.”

A Gift of Words

When one is desperate, at the bottom of the pit and finding it hard to get even a glimpse of the sky, one takes notice of those things that bubble up from within. I went to work, painted a large piece of paper and wrote these words in large red letters. I hung it on my wall. There it stayed for the duration of my time there. It generated much discussion. Many stopped and asked what it meant. Some questioned whether I believed it or not. Some thought it foolish. But there it stayed. Why? I believe these words were a gift to me from the Lord. Heaven knows I couldn’t have come up with them myself in my current state!

“From the bottom of that pit I had cried out to the Lord and He heard my voice. He lifted my head when I could no longer move, placed this, “Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places” in my heart, and in doing so, generated a spark of hope. There was no light, no warmth, no voice, but in that moment I knew hope.”

In that moment, despite how I felt, despite what my circumstances looked like, despite the hopelessness and helplessness I found myself in, these words that were given me, generated hope.

There is much I could say about the rest of my stay, but really there is no need for details. Suffice to say, the gift of these words was a catalyst, a reminder and a challenge all in one, to stay the path, dig in deep and do the work I needed to do.

Words Matter

As was my practice, I spent much time in my Bible, seeking comfort, direction and encouragement. These words reminded me of the importance of words in my life and reminded me to stick to what I knew.

Were the days easy? No! Was the work difficult? Yes! Did I often want to quit! For sure!

But the words I saw on my wall everyday reminded me that all the words I needed to read were available to me whenever I needed them. My Bible became my close companion and within it I found words of life that taught me about my value and worth, the purpose and plan for my life and the love of a Heavenly Father.

“I cried out for release from my torment and my voice was heard. I cried out for guidance and a hand reached to me. Form the darkest place I found hope. From the darkest place hope grew and sustained my spirit. From the darkest place I uncovered parts of me hidden for a lifetime. From the darkest place I learned to reach out, to trust, and to believe. From the darkest place I regained my faith. From the darkest place I became aware, grew more mindful. From the darkest place I learned to fight the resistance within.”

I read, I cried out, I worked, I reached out, I learned about myself and my God, I grew. In time the hope grew stronger, not only impacting me but those around me.

What You Need To Know

Why do I share this with you? I want you to know that:

1) you are not alone in your pit

2) you are not the only one who is struggling or has struggled

3) there is hope

4) if you are not ready to hope on your own, I will begin to hope for you

5) hope, acknowledged, will, in time, grow and strengthen and become believable and then undeniable

6) there are no quick fixes –life requires effort and commitment and work

7) no matter where you find yourself today, you can do this

What I Know!

Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places! I believe it with all my heart. I watched it at work. I watched in amazement and disbelief in my own life, and yet it worked anyway. 2001 feels like a lifetime ago in terms of where I’ve come since them. If I could change it all around, I wouldn’t change it. That time, although dark and full of despair, was a time of great growth. It taught me the importance of the Word in my life. It drew me closer to my Jesus and took my faith walk up several levels. It created within me a stamina and courage that I didn’t know I could ever have. Most of all, it took me on a journey that now allows me to speak hope into your life.

Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places

Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places still sits amongst my papers as I couldn’t bear to toss it.

The Step For Today

Where are you today? What hope do you need generated in your life? Today, I am believing for you. I have created a number of printables and social media posts for you to use. Click here to download. Print them off, hang them on your walls, physical and social media, and look at them often. Create your own if that works better for you. Just take that first step.

I’ve also done up a printable of a portion Psalm 40 for you – a Psalm that I read and reread in that season – a Psalm of truth and reality and great hope. I hope you will be encouraged by it.

Thanksgiving

I went home from those 5 months and 6 days in hospital a very different and much stronger individual; prepared to continue to do the work I needed to do. A year later on Thanksgiving Day I wrote this:

“There is a season for all things and I give thanks for my season of darkness and the resulting renewal I have been granted. I stand in the meadow of my soul, hand thrown up to heaven, and offer my heart and soul in thanks. My soul cries out to the Creator a song of praise for life and living, for despair and growth, for past and present, for enemies and friends, for the me I was, the me I am and the me I am to become.”

This is true 17 years later as I continue to sing out a song of praise! In time, I believe, it will be true for you as well!

Until Next Time

If you are interested in more Devotional reading, head over to my Facebook Page where you will find a Weekly Devotion early every Monday morning. Click the button below to go directly to the Weekly Devotions.

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

laurie

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May 27 2019

Gather Together

Hello my friends! How has your week gone? The copious amounts of rain have been VERY good for the flowers and the grass, but it is good to finally see some sun! This week we took our first trip in our “new to us” camper. Off to beautiful Cape Breton to spend some time with family. While there we gathered together to love and support one another as we laid our dearest Papa to rest. He was a great man in the eyes of many and we were delighted as so many gathered at the graveside to pay their respects, to say their farewells and to support one another; something our family does incredibly well. I was privileged, at the graveside, to share about the life of this precious man and wanted to take this opportunity to tell you a bit about my Papa; a man that greatly shaped my life.

Here we find ourselves, gathered together again, a tight knit group of family and friends. Those going by and seeing our gathering perceive only our grief; what they miss with their brief glance is our deep love for one another– grieving should never happen in isolation and in this family it never does.

5 Months

We gather today, 5 months, 5 long months after Jacob Daniel Shaw, let go his grasp on this world and opened his hands wide to take hold of eternity. He was known by many titles; husband, father, brother, uncle, papa, papa Jake, dear friend. In my mind we can sum him up in two phrases – the rock we all leaned on – and the glue that held it all together. For most of us, we can’t remember a time when he wasn’t a part of us and for those of us who can, we can’t imagine how we ever got along without him in the before. And now, for all of us, the question looms large, how will we move forward without him?

95 Years

How could one man, in almost 95 years have such an impact? How could one man be so very human and so very real and yet find himself elevated in the minds and hearts of so many?

Authentic

He was always himself, no matter the person or the circumstance, never fake, never put on. He said it like it was, even if it might not be one hundred percent politically correct or popular.

Wisdom

He didn’t have a lot of formal education but he had a lifetime of experiences that he took time to reflect on and grow from and that made him the smartest man I’ve ever known.

Hands that Held

He was a giant of a man with giant sized hands; those hands that did hard physical work for much of their life, were the same hands that also gently and firmly held each one of us at some point- through a handshake, a hand hold, a stroke on the cheek, a pat on the head.

Squeezed In

We were never too old to find a place on his lap or squeezed into the chair beside him and his arms were always open and ready for a hug.

Quiet Faith

He had a quiet and straightforward faith. Many times when I was struggling he simply asked, “Are you talking to the man upstairs?” He understood that although he knew much and had much to offer there were some things he had to pass over to God.

Family

He believed in the importance and necessity of family. He believed in the power of stories. But most of all he believed in us, each and every one of us, no matter where we were on our journey. When we couldn’t believe for ourselves, he believed for us.

Footsteps

So how do we journey on? Where do we go from here? We need to take that impact, the lessons he modeled, and make sure we are continuing to walk in his footsteps in our journey. They are big footsteps to follow in but I believe that as we follow in them and grow, our footsteps will in turn enlarge and we make a footpath for those coming behind us.

What We Believe

We need to believe in the inherent worth of people, the importance of sharing our stories, the necessity of family, the need to reflect on our life and continue to grow through our experiences, the need to be real, the joy of holding one another firmly but gently, believing for one another, holding each other close and squeezing in close together.

Until Eternity

In the time I spent with him the week before he left us, despite the fact that he was dealing with his own discomfort and mortality, he took the time to sit with me; to hold me firmly but gently with those giant sized hands, to remind me of the important things in life, to make sure I knew how much I was loved. And in the last moments before I left as I looked one last time into those beautiful eyes, those eyes looked into the very centre of my soul with a fierce intensity and enough love to last me until we meet again in eternity.

Our Promise Until Eternity

Today, we gather together, as a family; a family that may be scattered in the everyday by time and distance and priorities, but a family that knows how to pull together in an instant when it is most important. Today we gather to honour the rock that we have all leaned on and the glue that has held it all together. Today we gather to hold each other firmly but gently as our breath catches again at the void we feel in the realness that he is not with us. Today as we say farewell and till we meet again to our dearest Papa, we also promise to walk out his legacy by being the rock that each of can lean on and a part of the glue that will continue to hold it all together, because we are family, his family. Until we meet again in eternity, our dearest Papa.

Until next time

From my heart to yours,

laurie

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May 13 2019

Life and Life More Abundantly

Hello again! I continue to be amazed at how quickly time passes – it feels like it was only Monday yesterday and yet, here we are again! How has your week been? Did you have an opportunity to download the Meaning Of Authenticity Printable worksheet from last week? Be in touch and share what you have learned about authenticity and about yourself! When we share we solidify the learning in ourselves and we also encourage learning in those we share with. Since learning and sharing is what we do here, let’s dig into another piece of the puzzle; life and life more abundantly!

Abundance - Quantity Vs Quality

When you hear the word abundance, what do you think of? Many people automatically think of abundance in terms of finances or material belongings. It is often equated with having a large number of “things. I would love to see the day when abundance begins to be identified in terms of having moments and experiences. As we begin to live our journey from a more authentic place we will begin to move away from a quantity view of abundance to a quality view of abundance.

Abundance Is...

When you think of abundance what immediately comes to mind? Be honest. It is important to understand where we are currently in order to change our thinking on where we are going. For many years, I can honestly say, I didn’t even think in terms of abundance. I felt so stuck in the midst of my mental illness and my journey that I couldn’t apply the term to my life in any shape or form.

Quantity

When I did start thinking about abundance in relation to my life, I began from that place of quantity. In that time, I had many things in relation to work, friends, relationships, and belongings. I could start seeing a thread of abundance in my life. The problem with that thread was that it ran thin and dry in short order. I discovered that I really wasn’t any happier, more content or better off for the quantity of things I had identified in my life. I still felt stuck.

Validity

At that time I even questioned the validity, as a Christian, of seeking an abundant life. Was that what I was supposed to be doing? Did the Lord intend that I would spend time seeking out things? In light of the dry, thin line that resulted, what was the point?

Life and Life More Abundantly

The Scriptures, though, spoke very clearly about abundant life. In John 10:10 Jesus said, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” I understood that Jesus came so I could not just have life, but have it more abundantly; and I wanted everything He had for me. In order for me to have the abundant life He came to give me, I would need to figure out what abundance looked like.

One Hundred Thousand Blessings

In June of 2013 I began an intentional journey to live the abundant life I knew I already had but couldn’t quite put my finger on or put into words. I began my blog, One Hundred Thousand Blessings. This is what I wrote at the very beginning of it all:

“Why One Hundred Thousand Blessings? Why a blog?

As I walk through yet another valley in my journey through life, I find myself in a season of blessing and thanksgiving. Odd, you may think….how can one be in the valley and be blessed? What I’ve come to learn as I enter my 39th year is that I’ve been looking at things from a distorted perspective.

Aiming for the mountaintop has left me weary and disillusioned – striving to attain, gain and maintain. But in His gentle voice and by the leading of His gentle hand, my Heavenly Father has been showing me that my life is a valley life peppered with occasional trips, with Him, to the mountaintop. The valley may sometimes feel narrow, confining, limiting, BUT……when I’m in the valley I walk more closely with the Lord, my Beloved. And it is in that walk, that relationship, that He has begun to show me that the valley is lush, cool, vibrant and full of unexpected blessings.

Perhaps unexpected because my eyes have become blinded with want and have failed to see the One Hundred Thousand Blessings that cross my path each day.

So, welcome to my journey through a Season of unexpected blessings and thanksgiving.

So although I didn’t quite know where I was heading, my very intentional journey to see the blessings in my life led to a most wonderful discovery of the path to abundance.

Quality

In time, I began to understand that quantity had nothing to do with abundance. Abundance couldn’t be determined via numbers of any kind. Rather, abundance was determined in each moment by the quality of the experience at hand. Sometimes it was as simple as stopping to look at a pretty blossom that had pushed its way up through the rocks. The number of moments was never as important as the level of appreciation and impact that the moment had on my everyday life. The other important piece I learned about abundance was that it was directly related to how fully I gave myself to the moment or the experience. When fully engaged, the level of impact and the length of that impact multiplied exponentially.

Where Are You Today?

Where are you on this journey to abundant life?

Are you at the stuck point where abundance is only a word for other people?

Perhaps you can speak about abundance in your life, but when you do, it comes from a place of quantity.

You might be at the point where you are questioning whether God even intends for you to be seeking abundance.

Maybe you have latched onto John 10:10 as the promise it is – that you were called to life and life more abundant.

You may already be on the journey to discovering the quality of moments and experiences in your life; already beginning to understand what abundance can look like and that it can be walked out in the everyday of life.

No matter where you find yourself today there is a way forward.

For those who are seeking, latch onto the path of others to find your hope.

To those who are part way there, I say, “keep trekking”.

Those of you who are well on your way, take the time to stop and share your journey with others.

We never quite understand the impact our story can have on those around us. Our words may be the light for the next step on the path that someone else needs to take. The story we share may be the hand that reaches out and carries someone else into the journey. Sharing allows us to be real, with ourselves and with others and encourages authentic living.

My Desire for You!

It continues to be my desire to seek out the blessings in my life that are all around me, every day, in the valley, as well as on the mountain top. It is also my desire to share my story and be the light and the hand in this journey that encourages others to take the first step and then the next step. Abundant living takes courage. It takes courage because it comes from a place of authenticity. Being real takes courage because it requires being willing to step outside of the box that others, and we, have placed ourselves in. Today if you feel like you don’t have the courage to take that first step, that’s OK. I have that courage for you and I will believe in you until you are able to believe in yourself!

What's Next?

Take a step. One small step will eventually lead to an entire journey! Start by becoming more aware of the blessings in your life. Put them in writing and when the days are hard you can go back and look at the things that are going well and the many blessings you can be thankful for.

Click on the highlighted words to download your free AttitudeofGratitudeMindMap to help record your journey.

What I Know

Are you ready to tackle abundant living? The journey will be filled with valleys and mountains and rocks and flowers, but I can promise you, it will be all worth it. I have walked the valleys and stood high on the mountain peaks and the views, from either angle, are breathtaking!

Until Next Time

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

laurie

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