I stumbled……Day 5 of the new Year – 2014 – the year of wide open living, hands unfurled.

Sunday morning, time for fellowship and worship and refueling.
I awake
But instead of unfurling, throwing back the covers and getting out of bed to eager to get to Church to refuel
I curl.
I make a choice
I give in to the throbbing in my head
The sting in my throat (that has returned full force)
The weariness in my spirit.
I don’t want to fight it this morning, I want to sleep.
And so I curl up into a ball between the soft sheets with kitty laying beside me and I close my eyes.
I will not go today – I will sleep and hide – I am weary.
My courageous words of unclenched living echo hollowly in my head
I don’t have it in my today to live open wide
I want to curl, be small, and protect.
Anxieties and guilt gnaw at me from somewhere deep within
Where is the grace for this?

I sleep.

I awake
The sun is shining bright
I can see fluffy clouds through the window
The snow still looks fresh and pure.
I begin to uncurl
The cat protests
I hesitate, perhaps he is right
But I throw back the covers
I set my feet on the floor
It is solid
Perhaps there is hope for the day.

I head for tea and the Word
I need wisdom and strength
A verse runs through my head as I get dressed

There is the grace for curled up days, weary spirit days and discouraged days.

So I stumbled, so I’m on day 10 of this flu bug I can’t seem to shake, so I’m spirit weary, so classes start tomorrow and I have little voice……

There is therefore now no condemnation
No condemnation, externally or internally
I am here, in this moment
Sharing my stumble so others will know there is grace
Grace seen and unseen
Grace in believing regardless of what is seen
Grace in allowing yourself to clench those hands so that you can once again feel the release in unfurling those hands later
Grace

I stumbled……Day 5 of the new Year – 2014 – the year of wide open living, hands unfurled.

Sunday morning, time for fellowship and worship and refueling.
I awake
But instead of unfurling, throwing back the covers and getting out of bed to eager to get to Church to refuel
I curl.
I make a choice
I give in to the throbbing in my head
The sting in my throat (that has returned full force)
The weariness in my spirit.
I don’t want to fight it this morning, I want to sleep.
And so I curl up into a ball between the soft sheets with kitty laying beside me and I close my eyes.
I will not go today – I will sleep and hide – I am weary.
My courageous words of unclenched living echo hollowly in my head
I don’t have it in my today to live open wide
I want to curl, be small, and protect.
Anxieties and guilt gnaw at me from somewhere deep within
Where is the grace for this?

I sleep.

I awake
The sun is shining bright
I can see fluffy clouds through the window
The snow still looks fresh and pure.
I begin to uncurl
The cat protests
I hesitate, perhaps he is right
But I throw back the covers
I set my feet on the floor
It is solid
Perhaps there is hope for the day.

I head for tea and the Word
I need wisdom and strength
A verse runs through my head as I get dressed

There is the grace for curled up days, weary spirit days and discouraged days.

So I stumbled, so I’m on day 10 of this flu bug I can’t seem to shake, so I’m spirit weary, so classes start tomorrow and I have little voice……

There is therefore now no condemnation
No condemnation, externally or internally
I am here, in this moment
Sharing my stumble so others will know there is grace
Grace seen and unseen
Grace in believing regardless of what is seen
Grace in allowing yourself to clench those hands so that you can once again feel the release in unfurling those hands later
Grace