God has such an awesome sense of humour – a great combination of faithful timing and irony. In my household that is the type of humour we all appreciate.
It has been a challenging number of months in the health/illness area -struggling through the desert.
I recently asked someone “how can you feel like you are drowning in the desert where there is no water?” Tough times.
But God is faithful and continues to bring those alongside who brainstorm, problem solve, encourage, hug and pray.
And we get it done one day at a time.
Someone very precious to me reminded me in a conversation a few evenings ago – when you are so tired and so busy and barely hanging on, pray and declare, “Jesus Christ is perfecting everything concerning me today!”
Simple but powerful – a lifeline.
When I’m in the midst, even though my heart and spirit know better, the questions arise:
Where is my faith? Why am I not healed? Why me?
These are the questions that the enemy whispers in my ear and shouts in my spirit to try and rattle my faith and my walk and my witness – to disrupt the work the Father has for me to do.
Well, the questions have been rattling in my mind for weeks and my heart and mind have grown weary and fatigued with searching for the answers. And then, SUDDENLY (as God often works), the question was asked of me – not in a condemning way but in a “help me to understand how you do this” way. And I knew! And the words flowed quickly and with conviction. I am walking out my healing.
And SUDDENLY, in the midst, God opened a door for me to share what I KNOW and in doing so, what I also needed to hear.
And so on Sunday morning during a sermon on healing I was able to stand up and share a bit about my experience with walking out my healing and what that means to me. I thought I would share it here as well.
I have been healed of many things at many times. I don’t remember them all. But I do remember 3 times of most important healing in my life. When I was 16 I made a profession of faith and asked Jesus to be my Lord and Saviour. When I was 30, after many years of great turmoil and a God appointed time of mentoring and growing in my faith I rededicated my life to the Lord and was baptized in the beautiful waters of Porters Lake. And in Grand Manan, at a ladies retreat, the night before I ministered in dance for the first time -the presence of the Lord was so strong and He spoke to me so clearly and showed me that if I would walk out of my brick prison and into His arms He would heal me of all things – that night I did and that night I believe with all of my heart that I was healed.
So if I’m healed why is it that I still struggle with and suffer with a mental illness? – from symptoms of depression and anxiety? How is it that I can come to my Church family and ask for prayer?
If I’m healed why am I still struggling in these areas?
Where is my faith?
I am walking in my healing. My faith is strong and intact. I believe the Word of God which tells me that God’s Word never returns void but sets out to complete what it says. I believe that I am healed by the stripes of Jesus.
Over the years the Lord has taught me a lot about what the word “healed” means in my life, for me. Healed does not mean my life is perfect. Healed does not mean that God has taken away my illnesses, physical or mental. Healed does not mean that I don’t suffer in my circumstances. BUT for me healed has meant that my whole attitude about my life, my circumstances, my self sufficiency and Who is in control has changed.
Every day I get up and hand my day over to my Lord because I KNOW I am not and cannot and will not be self sufficient. I understand that He is in control, has a plan for my life, will work ALL things together for good and loves me more than I will ever comprehend. I promise to lean heavily on Him and walk together with Him throughout the day because I trust that He is in control and when the suffering is too much for me to bear, He will bear it for me- through the peace that He places within me that is definitely beyond my understanding and through the people He places in my life.
Many times it requires more faith to live out your circumstances (physical, emotional, relational, financial) than it requires for God to remove those circumstances. My faith grows and I go deeper in my relationship with the Lord as I walk in and through the circumstances He allows. And in that way my faith and my suffering allow me to continually grow, trust and become more Christ like, which is what I’m called to be.
In all truth and honesty, knowing what I know now, I would go through it all again to gain the depth and richness of this love and relationship I have with the Lord. I truly believe I would not be at this point of maturity and walking in such a deep relationship with my Lord had I not gone through the things I have gone through.
God has not called us to be an army of Church goers untouched by life and becoming more and more self sufficient. God has called us to be an army of Christ followers, broken and mended by the Lord, becoming more Christ like in our sufferings until we are completely dependent on His guidance, direction and promises. Radicals that can and will be a light in a dark and broken world.
As the day wore on and the fatigue increased the Lord provided a wonderful relief in a time of payer and a long overdue conversation with a very special lady. Both which allowed the Lord to strengthen and encourage me through His people. Sometimes you just need someone to hold you while you rest and to pray your through and others to tell you what you already know but somehow have forgotten or can’t wade through to grasp.
As always God grants His Word in due season and in a timely manner. This morning’s devotion:
““I will not let you go unless you bless me”…Then He blessed him there.” (Genesis 32:26, 29)
Jacob won the victory and the blessing here not by wrestling but by clinging. His hip was out of joint and he could struggle no longer, but he would not let go. Unable to wrestle further, he locked his arms around the neck of his mysterious opponent, helplessly resting all his weight upon him, until he won at last. We too will not win the victory in prayer until we cease our struggling. We must give up our own will and throw our arms around our Father’s neck in clinging faith.” (Streams in the Desert, pg 211).
And so we press in to Jesus and press through the desert, knowing that although the Red Sea may be in front of us and the enemy behind us, the Father is beside us and has a plan to make a way through!
Be Blessed
