A Cup of Tea, A Pen and Some Paper

Another day, another week, another year –

how the time adds up, moves quickly and passes;

and yet, moves in slow motion.

Here we are again, just ahead,

another December 31^st to reflect on and

another January 1^st to look ahead from –

activities generally looked upon with great anticipation.

Yet, in this moment, I find myself,

a bit weary of reflecting

and unsure of looking ahead.

Here I sit, post Christmas lights and gifts and food

quiet

settled

a to-do list to my left

untouched for days

a hot cup of tea

a pen and paper.

How to explain

A year of waiting –

waiting to hear, waiting to know, waiting to understand, waiting for improvement, waiting for recovery, waiting for life to resume – to return to normal or a new normal or some sort of balance-

waiting on the Lord.

A year of watching-

watching for results, watching for appointments and surgery, watching beside the hospital bed, watching beside the bed at home-

watching the Lord at work.

A year of stillness and silence –

piece by piece the activities of life shut down

until all is silent-

new activity replaces-

but it is still and silent as well.

Then the withdrawal – the stillness, the silence

the pressure to fill them-

activity, doing, planning, organizing

when physically impossible or unnecessary,

the mind takes over –

filling the gap-

satisfying the craving to produce-

fortifying the lie that tells us

we must

move, do, plan, organize, produce

to exist, be seen, be heard, be loved

by others, ourselves and by God Himself.

In time,

the mind follows the physical body

in the waiting, watching, stillness and silence.

It feels less jittery, jumpy and unsettled

It sits in front of the Christmas tree and watches the lights.

It lingers over a hot cup of something, doodles on a blank piece of paper,

strings a few words together-

trying to explain its current position.

It walks in the woods and chooses to look and see, to hear and smell and feel,

rather than composing lists of things to accomplish.

It prepares food – intentionally – eats slowly and discovers

what it does and does not like.

It closes its eyes at night and chooses

to leave it all in God’s Hands.

It wakes up in the morning and lingers for a few moments-

asking God – what shall we do today?

It stops scrolling endlessly and aimlessly,

leaves the phone in another room

doesn’t listen for the ring or the buzzing and dinging,

and doesn’t worry about missing out.

It gives the physical body permission to

wait and watch –

sits in the stillness and silence-

in peace.

As the body and mind come into synch

the spirit quickens.

The waiting, watching, stillness and silence

open up new possibilities

to be in His presence-

to hear Him speak –

in the softest whisper-

to feel the lightest touch –

to see Him in the smallest details.

To know the joy of this moment –

Because He is

right here –

right now.

Another day, another week, another year –

how the time adds up, moves quickly and passes;

and yet, moves in slow motion.

Here we are again, just ahead,

another December 31^st to reflect on and

another January 1^st to look ahead from –

activities generally looked upon with great anticipation.

Yet,

in this moment,

this year,

this season….

waiting and watching

in the stillness and silence,

I choose to sit, post Christmas lights and gifts and food

quiet

settled

a to-do list to my left

untouched for days

a hot cup of tea

and pen and paper-

doodling and stringing a few words together,

to share (rather than explain) our current

position.

And He is here with me

His presence evident

in the present moment.

I trust He will lead us in reflection in the coming days

I trust He will show us the path forward for the coming year-

in big picture or in day-to-day snippets.

I need not

do, move, produce.

I can be-

just who I am,

who I was created to be,

here, in this very moment.

In this moment-

I exist-

I am seen, heard and loved.

And that is enough – 

more than enough.

I set my pen down and head to the kitchen

for some hot tea-

the lights in my window

catch my eye –

I smile.