Laurie Hopkins

November 25 2019

It is Time to Build New Tables: How Exclusion Can Lead to New Community

Thanks for dropping in for a visit! It has been a while since we last chatted. Grab your hot mug of something and take a few moments to sit with me. Some weeks require a bit more thought when preparing to chat – this week was one of them. Sometimes you can feel like you’ve said everything already and there is nothing left to chat about. But then, as you sit quietly and reflect, something comes to you, and you think, “we really should talk about that together!” and a new blog is born. This week’s topic is: It is Time to Build New Tables: How Exclusion Can Lead to New Community.

Quotes That Catch Your Eye

I was reading my journal from the beginning of 2019 and I came across this quote that I first encountered on Jan 2.

“2018 taught me to stop aspiring to sit at tables where I have to bring my own chair, squeeze in between folks, and repeatedly convince others why I should be there. I learned to build a new table. I hope you learned the same.” Lisa Bevere.

Experiences Summed Up

We all have experienced times in our life that can be summed up quite neatly with this quote. Sometimes we do not have the words to capture the experience, but then someone else comes along and presents it in a way that makes perfect sense to us. These are important moments because they help to validate our experience and give us a starting point for our next move.

Exclusion At The Table

In our years to date, I think it is safe to say that the majority of us have experienced exclusion at some table. We are all unique individuals. For many of us, however, it takes many years for us to understand and celebrate our uniqueness. Because of that, we often spend much time trying to find a table that we fit at. Sort of like the fairy tale of Goldilocks and the three bears. When Goldilocks entered the home of the three bears, she spent a lot of time “trying out tables”. She tried 3 chairs, 3 bowls of porridge and finally 3 beds – too hot and too cold, too large and too small and too hard and too soft –until, each time, she found the one that was “just right” for her.

Bring Your Own Chair

As part of the maturing process, throughout our lives we find ourselves trying out different tables. I fear, however, that for many of us, because we haven’t yet become comfortable with who we are, we tend to try and place that chair at many tables that are not even suitable for us to be sitting at. Because we are eager to fit in, even though we see that there is no chair at that table for us, we carry out own chair, hoping to be offered a spot.

Squeeze In If You Can Find Room

Others see that we are carrying our own chair so out of some sort of concern for us, even though they know they haven’t set a place for us at that table, they may call out “squeeze in if you can find room.” So we do so and for a time we have some sense of belonging. Unfortunately, because there was really no room at that table for us, we start to feel the squeeze. At first it is easy to ignore. But over time, the space allotted for us begins to feel constrictive and overtime, like Goldilocks, we admit, this space is “just too small” and we are forced to move on.

I Belong Here

Sometimes we persevere at the table, despite the squeeze. We may have convinced ourselves that we only need a little room or that we aren’t really “that” uncomfortable. And so, we stay seated, on the chair we brought ourselves, in a space that is too small for us. Because of our discomfort, at that point, we will often begin to feel the need to try and defend to others that we actually belong at this particular table. Unfortunately, the more we defend, the more out of place we feel.

And The Cycle Continues

So, eventually, we will take our chair and move on. Depending on what lessons we learned at this table, about ourselves and about others, we very well may take our chair and search out another table. Again, if we find a table that wasn’t set for us and we squeeze in, over time we will once again find ourselves defending our spot at the table. In my own experience and in the experience of many I have spoken to, this can become a cyclical event. Having said that, hopefully, each time this happens, if we are open to learning the lessons, we are less likely to stay as long at the next table.

What Does Your Table Look Like?

What has been your experience with tables? What tables are you sitting at right now? Did you have to bring your own chair? How is the space fitting you? Are your contributions at the table readily recognized and acknowledged, or are you defending your space?

When you stop and think about it, do you see this pattern in your life? Even more important, do you see growth from one experience to the next? Maybe you are not carrying your chair around now, but are still squeezing into tight spots. Perhaps you are past that and have a seat at a table with lots of room, but you have sat there longer than you should, once you recognized that your voice hasn’t been valued at that table and you have spent too much time and energy defending your spot. Or perhaps you are at the point where you are confidently sitting at a table, on a chair with your name on it; a place where you know you fit.

Cycle Of Table-Hopping

We may fit better at some tables rather than others. We may learn more lessons from our time as some tables rather than others. Sometimes tables are for a season or a particular reason. The key to tables is knowing when to sit, knowing when to stay and knowing when to leave.

Some of this cycle of moving from table to table is part of our growing and maturing process; how we learn about who we are and where we fit. Some of us, however, can get stuck in this cycle of table-hopping; never really finding that table that we feel “fits just right.”

Building New Tables

When I read Lisa Bevere’s quote the first time I was struck by this line: “I learned to build a new table.” My first reaction was “what a novel thought”, “you mean that I don’t have to sit at the tables of others”, “you mean I can be the one building the table?” It was like an entire mind-shift for me.

2019

I learned a number of things in 2019

1) I table-hop because I don’t fully appreciate who I am and what I bring to the table

2) I am unique

3) Being unique is ok

4) I want to know more clearly who I am

5) I want to be much more confident in what I bring to the table

6) I don’t particularly care for carrying a chair around, trying to squeeze in where I don’t fit and staying where I need to defend my presence

7) I can break the cycle of table-hopping, by recognizing who I am and what I bring to the table, being honest about that and by beginning to build my own tables

8) I can encourage others to be more confident in who they are and what they bring to the table

9) I can seek out like-minded and like focused individuals and invite them to my tables

10) In doing so, I can encourage community

Tables And Community

I am a Cape Bretoner. When I think of community, I think of a big round kitchen table with lots of chairs, a pot of strong tea, good conversations and lots of laughs. I see people of every age and from every background, gathered together, all with their unique selves and opinions. And I can see that even when our uniqueness shines through and our opinions differ, that everyone at the table is respectful and appreciates the contributions of those around the table. This is community. This is the kind of table I grew up at and this is the kind of table I want to sit at.

In my own experience, exclusion from some tables has encouraged me to build new community because it has forced me to reconsider my own mindset. There are some tables I was never meant to sit at and stayed far too long because of my own insecurities.

So, in 2019, I have decided to stop waiting for others to build this type of table and invite me to sit. Rather, I have decided to begin building this table and inviting others to come and sit with me.

What lessons have you learned at the tables you have been sitting at? Are you ready to stop table-hopping and begin to build your own tables?

There Is Strength In Numbers

What does your ideal table look like? We all have different needs and interests and contributions to make. My table may look very different than your table, but I believe, that if we took the time, we could find ways to add another leaf or two and join our tables together. Individual community is built when like-minded and like focused people come together and are intentional about doing life together. Larger community is encouraged when individual communities intersect and begin to understand the value of building larger tables, rather than excluding others because of lack of room.

What I Know

There is a table out there that you fit at! A table where there is a seat with your name on it and an appreciation of what you have to contribute. The mind-shift in this season is not so much about whether or not there is a table, but rather, whether or not you need to build that table. Take a close look at yourself. Are you struggling with identity issues? Do you know who you are? Are you confident in what you have to offer? If not, you need to take some time to do that work. Dragging your own chair to table after table will not be of any benefit until you have committed to growing in that area.

Once that work is in progress, step out and start building tables. We all need community and the more tables we set up the more opportunities there are for joining and expanding the space at the table.

Until Next Time

Well, it is that time again! My cup is empty and it is time to go. I’m so happy you accepted my invitation to sit at this table for a little while. You are welcome here anytime! Drop some comments in the comment box below. I would love to hear your experiences about sitting at tables and about table building!

If you are interested in more Devotional reading, head over to my Facebook Page where you will find a Weekly Devotion early every Monday morning. Click here to go directly to Weekly Devotions with Laurie.

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

Laurie

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November 11 2019

The Lie Of Accumulation – Living To Give Rather Than To Receive

Hello, my friend! How are you? We are a little behind schedule on new blogs simply because the last blog on Why We Need To Love One Another More Than Ever has been heavy on my heart. Because of that, I felt it needed to stay front and center a little longer. In the last few weeks, what have you learned about loving your neighbour? I would love to hear about your experiences. Drop a note in the comment section below – we are always open to sharing and conversation here. This week I want to chat about “The Lie of Accumulation – Living to Give Rather Than to Receive”.

Grab your hot drink and your favourite mug and I’ll wait for you at the kitchen table!

Jesus Said

In Acts 20:34-35 Paul says, “Yes, you yourselves know that these hands have provided for my necessities, and for those who were with me. I have shown you in every way, by laboring like this, that you must support the weak. And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

Paul was departing to Jerusalem. He was unsure of what would take place there and whether he would see this church family of his again. He was in the midst of giving them “final” instructions. It is significant, that at this time when there were so many things he could have been sharing with the believers, that he felt it important to talk about giving and receiving.

what will i ever do with all this stuff?

We live in a society of stuff, lots of stuff. Just look around. Stores have thousands of items, many of them just varieties of one item. No matter where you go shopping you can find gadgets that will make your life easier and better or will allow you to move more quickly or make you happier.

Our closets are full, we have extra areas for storage. Things languish in boxes for years without us even laying eyes on them. And yet, we hold tight to our possessions.

Decluttering

In the last number of years, we have made a conscious decision to declutter our home. We began to take a hard look at the belongings we had, whether we needed them and who else might benefit from them. Over time, we have let go of many items that were little more than nostalgic as well as items that hadn’t seen the light of day for years. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to find that thing you are looking for when you actually need it. It is easier to clean. And the benefits of giving away to others those things that you are not in need of is more than just a bonus.

The lie of accumulation and choices

We, in today’s society, have bought into a lie. The lie of accumulation. We have been led to believe that accumulation is a sign of success and will lead to contentment. That the more we have, the better we must be doing. The bigger our homes and the more filled with stuff they are is portrayed as some sort of status symbol. And it isn’t just about convincing those around us of how well we are doing, it is part of an effort to fill a void within ourselves; a proof that we are OK, even when we don’t really feel OK.

Not only have we believed the lie of accumulation, but we have also believed in the lie of choices. More choice is better. Just walk down the cereal aisle in your local grocery store – how many kinds of cereal do we really need to be able to choose from? How many “make your life better” gadgets do we really need to be bombarded with day in and day out?

The truth is that accumulation is an empty promise and choice just complicates the matter.

Happiness Is....

Mainstream marketing and advertising would have you believe that your happiness is completely tied up in how much you have, how many choices are set before you and how many gadgets you are in possession of. This, they tell us, is guaranteed to set us on the pathway to a smoother, faster, shinier life. We are told that happiness is whatever we want it to be, that we can make it ourselves and that at the end of the day, happiness is something we can buy our way into.

What they don’t tell us is that the pursuit of happiness is costly, requires us to put in more hours of work to make the money to buy it, requires more time and energy to clean and maintain, and in time, becomes our misguided focus. When the pursuit of happiness becomes the focus, we fail to recognize happiness when it alights upon us, because we are always striving to chase it down.

Happiness Vs. Joy

Apart from the lies of accumulation and choices, the question really becomes, is it happiness that we are really looking for? Happiness is subjective. It depends on the day, the time and the circumstances we find ourselves in. We can be feeling perfectly happy and then one little thing goes awry and our happiness, in that moment, is impacted. Joy, on the other hand, comes from somewhere deep within us. It is not impacted by what is happening at the moment and therefore is sustained even when the day, time and circumstances are not what we had hoped for.

Now What?

So, we have raised two issues – 1) the fact that we have been fed untruths about the benefits of accumulation and the need for so many choices, and 2) our pursuit of happiness rather than joy. Now what? Well, where there are issues, we generally look for answers.

Is Minimalism the Answer?

The minimalist movement has occurred in response to our realization that accumulation and choices haven’t made us happy. So, we have come up with all kinds of ways and systems to begin to downsize our stuff. We have begun to declutter, reducing the number of items in our home significantly. We have begun to ask, “does this make me happy, does this spark joy?” and if not, we toss it. Although this is a great start, I wonder if it has actually addressed the issue. While throwing away the belongings we worked so hard to accumulate because we thought they would make us happy, we are still basing our decisions on what we keep on what makes us happy or not. In this way, we are still engaging in the pursuit of happiness through the accumulation of things, just a lesser accumulation.

Not Having Vs Giving

The other issue that comes up for me, is the difference between getting rid of stuff to have less, versus, giving things away to others who may need it for the purpose of giving. There is a big difference. I can give away all my things and

have nothing and still not have a giving heart. Will that contribute to my happiness? And if it does, did I give it away in the correct spirit – for my happiness, rather than for the benefit of the one I gave it to?

I can give away a few of my things, in an intentional way, and have a very giving heart. And if I do it for the sake of the benefit of the other rather than in the pursuit of my own happiness, it comes from a very different place and spirit.

Joy is the Answer

When dealing with any issue, it is important to get to the root and dig it out. Otherwise, we are just continually battling the weeds. I believe that the real answer begins with our realization that happiness is an empty pursuit. Circumstantial happiness will never be attained consistently. Once we come to that understanding, we will begin to be able to stand up to the lie that accumulation of things and having many choices will lead to happiness, because at the end of the day, happiness won’t even be our goal. It is a mindset shift. If we are not after happiness, the marketing and advertising offers of happiness will no longer captivate us. That is the root.

Instead, let’s go after joy. As I mentioned earlier, joy comes from within. It is not dependent on the day, time or circumstances. Joy lives within you and flows out of you even in the midst. Do you know people that are full of joy? They are the ones you go to comfort in the midst of their circumstances and come away feeling that they comforted and encouraged you.

There Is Joy In Jesus

So where does this joy come from? Relationship with Jesus brings joy. When you are in relationship with Jesus, you know who you are, whose you are, that there is a plan and a purpose for your life and that the battle is already won on your behalf. You understand that the Lord knows your name and even the number of hairs on your head, that you are on His mind and on His heart. There is a freedom and liberty that bubbles up from within you. There is a light on the inside of you that wants nothing more than to shine in any darkness it encounters. Joy is not dependent on the accumulation of things, having many choices or on the circumstances that surround you. Joy lives inside of you and is like a fountain that overflows onto those around you. Relationship with Jesus = Joy!

It is More Blessed To Give Than Receive (Or Accumulate)

So, let’s go back to the beginning. In Acts 20:34-35 Paul says, “Yes, you yourselves know that these hands have provided for my necessities, and for those who were with me. I have shown you in every way, by laboring like this, that you must support the weak. And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

I am a firm believer in the decluttering movement. I believe with all my heart that an over-accumulation of stuff leads to all kinds of concerns. The work required to purchase, the time required to clean and maintain, the stress that comes with not being able to find anything. But I think, as Christians, we need to be careful how we frame the decluttering. If we are just getting rid of stuff to get rid of stuff and hoping it will make us happier, we have missed the mark. We need to reframe it right from the beginning: I am not over accumulating because my happiness doesn’t come from stuff, my joy comes from Jesus. The second reframe we need to make is this: I share what I have with those around me because my joy comes from Jesus and in the overflow of that joy is the understanding that it is more blessed to give than to receive (or accumulate). When I give to those around me, it is from a heart of love and compassion for those who are in need, rather than from a selfish place of giving away my stuff to others to increase my own happiness.

What I Know

Mindset shifts take time. But the best way to begin to shift your mindset is to start! Are you happy or joyful? Where are you seeking that happiness? Do you know the joy that comes from relationship with Jesus? How much stuff have you accumulated? Can you begin to be intentional about sharing what you have with those around you who have a need? Yes, it may seem overwhelming right now, but again, one step at a time. Start setting things aside that you don’t need. Now, look at what you have set aside. Who may benefit from those items? A neighbour, a friend, a co-worker, a woman’s shelter, the local church who has a free clothing store, the local job search center that collects gently used dress clothes to help out those looking for work. There are so many in need all around us. And here we are, holding tightly to all that we have, whether we need it or use it or not. Today is a day for a mindset shift! Jesus said, “It is better to give than to receive.” If only we could become a people that would live to give rather than to receive (accumulate).

Until Next Time

Well, it is that time again. I’m so glad you were able to take a few minutes to join me at the kitchen table. The table is always available for a chat. Drop a line in the comment box below and let me know how you are doing with your mindset shift. We can build a community of encouragement for one another right here!

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

Laurie

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October 23 2019

Why We Need To Love One Another More Than Ever

It has been a few weeks –time flies when you are having fun! How has your life been going; fast, slow or somewhere in-between? Grab yourself a hot drink in your favourite mug and I will wait for you at the kitchen table. My thoughts for today revolve around why we need to love one another more than ever.

Moving Quickly

We live in a world that is moving quickly. While we are moving quickly, our attention is pulled in numerous directions at one time. Not only that, we have easy and immediate access to so much more information. We hear/see everything that is going on around us in live time, often whether we want to or not. All this movement and information trains our minds and emotions to move quickly as well, in order to keep up. And we all know, that when our minds and emotions move quickly, some things get lost in translation.

We Are All Unique

In the past, many of us have lived in communities in which everyone was very similar. We grew comfortable being with those who were very much like us. We had little experience with those who looked different than us or thought differently than us. However, within those communities, there were different ways of being. Overall, we have been OK with that, chalking it up to the “uniqueness” of the individual.

We Are All Different

There has always been a level of uniqueness in our communities, however, because there have been so many similarities, our focus has been on being the same. Therefore we are comfortable. Now that the varying degrees of uniqueness among us are being highlighted, our focus has tended towards being different. And, unfortunately, feelings of being different often leads to feelings of discomfort.

Perception Is Everything

Perception is everything. When I perceive you to be different rather than unique it lends itself to feelings of dissimilarity which leads to discomfort. However, if I were to view you as unique, rather than different, I would better understand that we still have similarities, which maintains a level of comfort.

How does the speed our society is moving at, impact this conversation? When we are moving quickly, we are thinking quickly. When we are thinking quickly, our emotions kick in quickly. Quick emotions influence a quick perception of the people around us. Quick perceptions often get us into trouble. Although we have always been told that the “first impression” was the most important, I beg to differ. That “first impression” is often not a great indicator of that actual person, but rather a real reflection of our own biases and judgments. When we are moving and thinking quickly, we give our emotions permission to move to quick and often inaccurate perceptions.

So, What?

So, we find ourselves in a world that is moving quickly. Over time we have moved towards a focus that looks at differences rather than uniqueness, which has increased our levels of discomfort around the diversity in our communities. On top of those feelings of discomfort, because we are moving quickly, we often allow our emotions to take control of our perceptions of those around us; this only serves to reflect our biases and judgements rather than to give us accurate views of the people we are perceiving.

When we are running on discomfort and potentially inaccurate perceptions of others, generally, we are going to have a more negative view of those around us.

Jesus Said

As Christians, we are called to love those around us. All of those, not just the ones we have developed positive perceptions of. Second only to loving the Lord, is the command to love your neighbour as yourself.

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ “This is the first and great commandment. “And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ “On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22: 36-40

(“Matthew 22:1 (NKJV) – And Jesus answered and spoke.” Blue Letter Bible. Web. 23 Oct 2019. https://www.blueletterbible.org/nkjv/mat/22/1/s_951001)

Loving Our Neighbour

In the midst of our discomfort with those around us who seem so different and our tendency towards quick perceptions of those around us, how do we follow the command of Jesus to love your neighbour as yourself?

Who Is Our Neighbour?

First of all, who is our neighbour? When the lawyer in Luke 10 questioned Jesus, asking “who is my neighbour?” Jesus responded with the story of the good Samaritan. The man on the road had been stripped and wounded and left half dead. The first two people to encounter him were people who were more similar to him, yet when they encountered him they went to the other side of the road and passed him by. The third man to come along was a Samaritan. He would have been considered to be very “different” from the man lying on the side of the road. And yet, this man stopped, had compassion on him, bandaged his wounds and took his somewhere where he paid for him to stay until he was recovered. From this, I understand that our neighbour, the one we are to have compassion on and to love, is even that one who is very “different” than us.

He Had Compassion

“And when he saw him, he had compassion.” Luke 10:33

(“Luke 10:1 (NKJV) – After these things the Lord.” Blue Letter Bible. Web. 23 Oct 2019. https://www.blueletterbible.org/nkjv/luk/10/1/s_983001)

This phrase really struck me when I was reading this passage. The Samaritan, when he saw his “neighbour” who was very “different” from himself, lying on the road, stripped and wounded, had compassion. I believe it was from that place of compassion that the Samaritan was able to slow down his thinking and his emotions. In doing so, his perception was changed from a focus of “different” to one of “uniqueness”. From that flowed the ability of the Samaritan to truly love his neighbour as Jesus had taught.

Why We Need To Love One Another More Than Ever

We live in a world filled with individuals that are unique. We also live in a world where many are full of fear and judgement because they have been lured into the lie that because we are all so “different” from one another we can’t make connections with those around us. But Jesus said, love your neighbour, that neighbour that is actually very different from you. The love he talked about was very practical; it required the Samaritan to stop and to give of his own time and resources. And it was driven by compassion. When the Samaritan saw the man, stripped and wounded and left on the road, compassion rose up within him. That compassion allowed for the demonstration of the love that Jesus not only talks about but also commands us to have for one another.

What I Know

This world can be an uncertain place. As Christians, we must be willing to declare our certainty in the love and salvation we have through Jesus, by allowing Jesus to demonstrate his love for others through us. This will begin to happen as we become aware of how our perceptions are formed and how biased they tend to be. It will also happen when we allow compassion to rise up within us for those around us. Once that compassion begins to rise, there will be no question about our willingness to go out of our way and to give of our time and our resources to care for those around us, regardless of how “different” they may seem from us.

Until Next Time

Well, it is that time again. My cup is empty and I have a “to-do” list to get to. I’m so happy you were able to take the time to sit at the kitchen table with me for a visit. I always enjoy our time together! Until next time, start slowing down your perceptions and begin to look for the uniqueness in those around you, rather than the differences. Love on someone this week; someone you would not normally think to love on. Take a step or two out of your comfort zone into your discomfort zone – in time you will see your comfort zone expanding in a most wonderful way.

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

Laurie

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